30 December 2012

Festive Mood and Christmas Air


Five days after Christmas. I am still on the festive mood. But, I don't hate it.

Being a Roman Catholic, my family has this yearly activity of going for Misa de Gallo on the night of 24th December. Then, we'll have a late dinner after the mass with home-cooked meals suited for an occasion, according to our tastes, that is. It became the norm for me. When I realized that I can't stick to that anymore, I was a bit disturbed.

After finishing my studies, there were no more Christmas Breaks for me. In Philippines, there might be non-working days from 24th of December until 2nd of January the following year. But I'm not in the Philippines, and I don't think that's applicable for my industry. So, for two years straight now, I have not attended a mass on the eve of Christmas.

I was not a religious person to begin with. At least, I admit that I am not ever since few years ago after realizing that I can't follow traditions and cultures blindly. Well, some people from the early days died because they tried to defy the norm of society. Today, there are still people who get scrutinized for changing the so-called norms. However, we are more open-minded now and changes are more than welcome should it improve one's way of living. But, no matter how many centuries have past, traditions and cultures still remain intact. It was like part of our identity.

Christmas is actually part of that tradition and culture. It was believed to be the day when Jesus Christ, the Savior, was born. So being Christians, we were celebrating his birth, his coming to save us. Nowadays, however, and being in a country where Christianity is not a major religion, I find Christmas in a different light.

It was a public holiday celebrated throughout the entire world, mostly. People exchange gifts and have a little celebration despite their religion. It was a day for festivity and happiness. Looking back, as to how the story was known all this time, Jesus was born in a stable. The grandiose gatherings everywhere on Christmas Day is not even close to that. But, being alive today because of the Savior is a reason good enough to have a huge gathering is it not? Things change and people forget, but traditions and cultures remain.

My Christmas last year was so-so. Fun but not so fun, I would say. I was given morning shift on the 24th and afternoon shift on 25th. Fair enough since I didn't really want to take a day off. This year was completely different. I was so excited for Christmas that as early as November I am already singing Christmas songs. My colleague actually told me to let their festival go by first before I start being on Christmas mood. This year, I had three days off from work for my Christmas.

We just moved house the previous week but our Christmas tree was still displayed though it was late. I have some friends who came over to celebrate Christmas. We have gifts under the tree and several dishes on our small table. Of course, there were drinks to boost the party, and karaoke as well! We certainly made the best of our Christmas eve in our own way.

We stayed up until dawn, and one by one, we fell asleep. I stayed awake until 0630hrs, and slept after cleaning the mess, washing the dishes and storing the food. I believed I had a good short sleep. Alcohol does me good every now and then.

25th. I am surprised to be awake at 0900hrs. Well, my friends need to go to work and I need to accommodate them. I don't have work that day, so I can sleep later in the day. But I never did. I was awake the whole of daylight singing karaoke with my friends who didn't go to work. I fell asleep immediately after dinner.

27th. The festivity goes on. Our department had a Christmas Party in the afternoon and I was with a friend the whole of the evening. A stroll along Orchard Road, with backtracking, wasn't so bad with a companion. It was a little crazy and lots of fun, a bit tiring and greatly entertaining. We only had a little disturbance seeing an after-the-incident venue - puddles of blood on the street. We didn't care though. The spirit of Christmas got deep into us to even bother.

Christmas day had passed but so much people were on the streets and it was only Thursday. With so much people around, we were in high spirits. It was a fun evening of strolling, shooting and shopping. We both managed to catch our last rides home. It was certainly exciting.

I have not slept properly for days. I am still fine but I know that my body needs some proper rest. I managed to accomplish my plans - going to a friend's workplace, attend a mass, and relax at Gardens by the Bay - in exchange for ruining my health. I am actually wondering how I can survive days without properly sleeping, not be sick, and still do better. The only thing I fear in this is the possibility of having a chronic insomnia. It's scary just thinking that.

I have 24 hours to New Year now. I've had a blast until the end of 2012. A fantastic year is about to end, and a new one, full of anticipation, is about to take over. Cheers to both the passing and coming year!

[LVELJ.C10   30.12012]

22 December 2012

Ancient Prophecy


Doomsday. There has already been a series of the so-called doomsday prophecy saying that the world will end on certain years or dates. There have been patrons of such things but up to this date, the world is still revolving. Yet, another date was to be recorded in the doomsday timeline. 21.12.2012.

The other day, the home page of one of my social network accounts was, well, kinda plagued with the doomsday stuffs. It was supposed to be yesterday, 21st December. However, when I came to work early yesterday morning, my colleague told me that it was Mexico's time. So, following Mexico's time in Singapore, it will be today which is 22nd December. Will the world or, at the very least, the species of humanity cease to exist?

"The end of the world."

I don't really know how to believe it. I can come up with several occurrences that will lead to the end of the world. I am still waiting for the 2019 asteroid thing that was in the news several years ago, though I think that it has already changed its course. Each one can interpret the phrase in several different ways too. Does that mean that all the living things will cease to exist? Or will the earth stop revolving? Will it rotate counter-clockwise? Will some huge planet or star collide with the Earth? Or will a black hole suddenly formed out of the blue and devour our planet? Or will it just explode since it's already time, just like a time bomb? Or will natural calamities occur all at once - tsunamis, earthquakes, storms, hurricanes, total darkness, huge lightnings, widespread fire - and leave everything in a mess with not a single living being alive and suffering?

Should the world really end in whatever way it may, it means that another world will start anew, is it not? I mean, endings always bring forth new beginnings. So, should the Earth's inhabitants cease to exist leaving the planet intact, that means that millions of years later another history will unfold. Or should the planet be destroyed, then the debris and remains will one day join with other rocks or stars and form another planet. At least, I hope so.

More than the end of the world, I am currently concerned with another thing - the end of humanity. I was reading a fictional story about existence and evolution. I just began reading the book, but that was what the part I'm reading is about. One day I will cease to exist, and so is everyone else. Then it occurred to me that, other species have ceased to exist like the humongous dinosaurs. I wondered when human species' turn will be. In another billion years time? Or, will our species even cease from existing? Science and technology were both becoming more advance by the minute and human minds are developing non-stop that it's almost scary. In the future, reviving the dead, or not dying might both be possible. The humanoids, vampires and zombies, that we only see in sci-fi films, will one day become species co-existing with humans. It could be possible that humans without any modifications in their body could become rare, or rather, extinct. Future holds nothing impossible for the present. Everything is possible.

Fantasies aside, everyone living in this day will one day die. As I am writing, the dire thought that someone is on the verge of death somewhere is kinda bothering me now. Each person is meant to die, at one's time, and not even doctors can't do anything about that. Homer mentioned in his The Odyssey, 'Still death is certain, and when a man's hour came, not even the gods can help him, no matter how fond they are of him.' Most stories has this rule of granting any wish besides reviving the dead, as well. Is that so much of a taboo? That, I don't know. But still, immortality, as of today, is not possible, but death is certain. And, as of today, we only have once to live our life. It is all up to us to live it fully or let it dull away.

For now, I'll be waiting until 2359 hrs of today for the doomsday, should it really happen. The anticipation is quite thrilling but the grave thought of dying in one blink of the eyes is frightening. I still have to wait for 21 hours should the world not end any time earlier. Let's look forward to another day for now.

[LVELJ.C08   22.12.2012]

17 December 2012

Prologue of Monotony

A daily life could never be more boring than mine. Waking up just in time to get to work, staying in the office for 8 hours and going back home to sleep. Days off from work are spent either by oversleeping or going online. It was a dull life, if it can be considered life at all.

I can't remember how I was back then, when my world seemed full of happiness, and in it were all things I loved. Back then sounded so far away from now. It was obviously a life that was once mine. It was unmistakably my past but not an inch of that happiness can be traced from my current self. Now, I'm simply a living mass of emptiness.

Three years had passed since then. Time keeps on flowing through the gaps of my fingers though I tried to hold it firmly in my hands. It was unstoppable but at the same time implacable. It goes with its own pace, uncaring and unmoved by my agony.  Time runs undisturbed. I, on the other hand, stopped my own time, froze my own world.

I had felt loneliness and helplessness before. I felt pain every single day and  it was too much that I grew used to it.  Feeling pain and sadness became the norm for me. Now, I have become numb to various emotions. Anger, sadness and happiness - they all seemed worthless to me now. I have no more reason and cause to feel them. I'm satisfied with my empty self.

I lived the same lifestyle for three years. The first year was the worst. I isolated myself and even refused the heartfelt concern of my friends. I didn't care even about the most important or stupid things in my surrounding. The laughter and quarrels of the people around me doesn't even strung a single strand of emotion inside me. Words of encouragement, rumors, acts of kindness, jokes, and violence all seemed to pass through me as if my physical existence was immaterial.  It was like I was there but I wasn't at the same time.

One day, a year and a half from that time, I arrived home straight from school. I find my mother on the dining table - crying. She was holding the only family picture  we have in our house. In the picture was the 6-year-old me, my mother, my father and my 8-year-old brother. All of us were smiling happily in that picture. However, all that cheerfulness in that single picture were taken away in an instant. It was now the complete opposite of the present. Our house only has 3 people now. My brother passed away in an accident.

I can never forget the sorrow our family had suffered that time. I was alive but my mother was suffering just like that time of my brother's death. Terror surged inside of me upon remembering the horrible thing my mother had been through. I felt guilty. My selfishness caused grief to my mother. I did not even noticed it.

I left the house without a sound, while tears are flowing out of my eyes. After a long time, I felt several emotions bursting out as if they have piled up from all the pain I have endured alone the whole time. The pain that I thought was a norm for me failed me. I was angry at myself. I felt guilty. I am afraid of what will happen. I am scared to lose another beloved. I felt helpless.

I called my closest friend. I know that she never expected me to call her. I figured that from the tone of her voice - shocked, happy, excited, confused, and worried. I told her that I badly needed someone at that moment. She invited me over to her house. She had called my place to inform my parents that I will be home late to do a school project in her's. That evening, I told her my fears and worries while crying my heart out. I had not cried for a long time that I thought my tears had already dried up.

I know how Isa had been worried about me since that time. I know but I refused even her kindness. I refused to let anyone know about what I feel and think, including my mother and father. I refused to accept anyone's kindness for me. Most of them got annoyed at my attitude but I did not care. They left me alone afterwards, but not Isa. She stayed with me despite my refusal to be involved with her. She gives me my personal space but I know that she's always looking out for me. I realized how terrible a person I became. I felt even more guilty.

That day, I decided to change little by little. I did not wish to worry other people over my matters, not even my mother or father or Isa. But still, I refused to be deeply involved with anyone. I learned to go with the flow of things but I never opened my heart to anyone, besides Isa. I started to smile but only at home - a fake smile I forced n my facial muscle. I rejected emotions that deals with other people - compassion, sympathy and empathy - but I try to understand theirs. I never find anything interesting in this world after that time and that remain unchanged. I became indifferent.

Time was passing by slowly in my stagnant way of living. It feels like everything around me was a monochrome of grey. I did the same things almost every single day. I was like a machine programmed to perform the same tasks over and over again. I graduated from school, and managed to find a job. Before I knew it, another year and a half have passed by again but my days of inner isolation are yet to pass.

06 December 2012

AFA 2012

Well, I admit that this is already a month overdue but here goes what I've seen during the Anime Festival Asia 2012!

It was, well, a long travel from where I live (the West!) and I was kind of out of the mood on the very day of the event. It seems that my excitement wore off the day before the event proper which was on 10 November 2012. I seriously can't trust my mood at times. (-_-')

Below are just some of the cosplayers that interested me during the event. There was this Once Piece troupe but I didn't get to take their photos...too bad! Well, I manage to find a Trafalgar Law Cosplay so I'm pretty much satisfied. I learned a few facts about cosplayers, although these were just from my reasons.

1.
Cosplayers automatically pose once a camera was faced to them. Well, not exactly! If they aren't posing for others before you take their photos they wouldn't even bother to face you. You SHOULD ask them for their permission to be photographed which makes sense.

2. I am not entirely sure about this but I am thinking that Coslpayers are artists in their own way. I mean, did you see the clothes, make-up, hairstyle, and accessories?! I believe most of them are customized which is pretty amazing!

3. I wonder if they are studying or practicing how to project their poses and facial expressions...if they do, they are Certified Cosplayers!

   
        

There was also an exhibition of Ball-Jointed Dolls. It was in a small booth but the display was rather wide in range.  Doll collectors are awesome! I am aware how much a ball-jointed doll would cost, but the maintenance of them are out of my knowledge. I think it was pretty tedious buying clothes for such small figures or to even sew clothes for them. Clothes aside, they also have accessories and devices, and even swords?! Aren't Doll Collectors, in a way, cool? However, while I was walking through the exhibition hall, I pass by some Doll Collectors who were holding the dolls in their arms while walking around. It kinda led me to think 'Why am I here?'. It was my first time seeing a guy with a doll sitting in his arm while walking around.

There were a lot of people who went on the first day of the AFA '12 exhibit and more people are coming as the time falls to afternoon. I thought only people of my age or younger would be interested to go to such events. I proved myself wrong when I see people of different ages go there, even families since it was a Saturday. Most of the people there are photography enthusiasts and cosplayers. I don't exactly like crowded places since it was difficult to move around but even so, I stayed there until afternoon.

Bottomline: Cosplay events are amazing! Well, there's another one I'm looking forward to.

05 December 2012

Too Much Boredom

I feel lonely as of late. I mean, I did not get to see as much people as before and I kind of miss talking to my close friends. Working abroad is kind of getting into me now. Others may consider it home sickness but I don't think so. I would say that I am more likely disturbed in many ways and the cause was most probably boredom.

I tried to find the cause of my boredom by comparing my current lifestyle to the one before, three years back. Back then, or a little more back then, I was in a relationship but I broke it off and I started to be selfish. I could careless about others although I guess it was part of my personality to bother myself with others' business. I find it troublesome, too. So, yeah, one factor affecting my boredom is being single. Being in a relationship before was fun since I have someone who will instantly come to mind should I want to go somewhere or do something or speak nonsense with. I believe that we have some kind of a mutual understanding like having a connection through distances. But, now, I guess that kind of connection could be created as long as you spend a really long time together with that person and there is an understanding between the two of you.

Another reason that I can think of was the monotony of my current lifestyle. I wouldn't deny, though,  that I find my work schedules both exciting and troublesome. But doing the same thing every single day is bound to cause me too much of boredom. I don't complain about the workload though, just the monotony of doing it.

Another reason is that I have too much in mind. There so many things that I can come up with but the thought-process was so fast that my body and time cannot catch up with it. The moment I had the willingness and time to do it, I had already lost interest to do it. I became kind of fickle minded lately. I was pretty hesitant with several things before but lately, it was just so severe. I am still sticking to the original plan though just for the feel of accomplishment. Should I become more spontaneous and random and fickle than I already am, I wouldn't know what that would cause to me.

Another reason, and one that I think is greatly affecting my thought-process, is keeping myself away from writing (although I know I'm bad with that.) Since I don't usually talk about my thoughts to someone else unless asked for them, they were just piling up inside my head with no terminal for exit. And having so much things in mind is kind of making a mess out of me. So I should go back to writing and who knows, I might improve my skills by doing so. Using shorthand would help me tons, as well. I must review and practice that.

Not long ago, I told my friend that I'm feeling bored and directionless and asked her for ideas of what I can do though I never ran out of crazy ideas. She was actually surprised to know that I'm feeling bored! Being bored has its advantages too, I think. I manage to reflect and think on some things. I don't know why, though, that it was only recently that impression or how people see me is only being revealed to me now?! It's a good thing, I guess? To look back and laughing at how childish and funny I had been back then.

LVELJ.C07 (05.12.12)