30 December 2012

Festive Mood and Christmas Air


Five days after Christmas. I am still on the festive mood. But, I don't hate it.

Being a Roman Catholic, my family has this yearly activity of going for Misa de Gallo on the night of 24th December. Then, we'll have a late dinner after the mass with home-cooked meals suited for an occasion, according to our tastes, that is. It became the norm for me. When I realized that I can't stick to that anymore, I was a bit disturbed.

After finishing my studies, there were no more Christmas Breaks for me. In Philippines, there might be non-working days from 24th of December until 2nd of January the following year. But I'm not in the Philippines, and I don't think that's applicable for my industry. So, for two years straight now, I have not attended a mass on the eve of Christmas.

I was not a religious person to begin with. At least, I admit that I am not ever since few years ago after realizing that I can't follow traditions and cultures blindly. Well, some people from the early days died because they tried to defy the norm of society. Today, there are still people who get scrutinized for changing the so-called norms. However, we are more open-minded now and changes are more than welcome should it improve one's way of living. But, no matter how many centuries have past, traditions and cultures still remain intact. It was like part of our identity.

Christmas is actually part of that tradition and culture. It was believed to be the day when Jesus Christ, the Savior, was born. So being Christians, we were celebrating his birth, his coming to save us. Nowadays, however, and being in a country where Christianity is not a major religion, I find Christmas in a different light.

It was a public holiday celebrated throughout the entire world, mostly. People exchange gifts and have a little celebration despite their religion. It was a day for festivity and happiness. Looking back, as to how the story was known all this time, Jesus was born in a stable. The grandiose gatherings everywhere on Christmas Day is not even close to that. But, being alive today because of the Savior is a reason good enough to have a huge gathering is it not? Things change and people forget, but traditions and cultures remain.

My Christmas last year was so-so. Fun but not so fun, I would say. I was given morning shift on the 24th and afternoon shift on 25th. Fair enough since I didn't really want to take a day off. This year was completely different. I was so excited for Christmas that as early as November I am already singing Christmas songs. My colleague actually told me to let their festival go by first before I start being on Christmas mood. This year, I had three days off from work for my Christmas.

We just moved house the previous week but our Christmas tree was still displayed though it was late. I have some friends who came over to celebrate Christmas. We have gifts under the tree and several dishes on our small table. Of course, there were drinks to boost the party, and karaoke as well! We certainly made the best of our Christmas eve in our own way.

We stayed up until dawn, and one by one, we fell asleep. I stayed awake until 0630hrs, and slept after cleaning the mess, washing the dishes and storing the food. I believed I had a good short sleep. Alcohol does me good every now and then.

25th. I am surprised to be awake at 0900hrs. Well, my friends need to go to work and I need to accommodate them. I don't have work that day, so I can sleep later in the day. But I never did. I was awake the whole of daylight singing karaoke with my friends who didn't go to work. I fell asleep immediately after dinner.

27th. The festivity goes on. Our department had a Christmas Party in the afternoon and I was with a friend the whole of the evening. A stroll along Orchard Road, with backtracking, wasn't so bad with a companion. It was a little crazy and lots of fun, a bit tiring and greatly entertaining. We only had a little disturbance seeing an after-the-incident venue - puddles of blood on the street. We didn't care though. The spirit of Christmas got deep into us to even bother.

Christmas day had passed but so much people were on the streets and it was only Thursday. With so much people around, we were in high spirits. It was a fun evening of strolling, shooting and shopping. We both managed to catch our last rides home. It was certainly exciting.

I have not slept properly for days. I am still fine but I know that my body needs some proper rest. I managed to accomplish my plans - going to a friend's workplace, attend a mass, and relax at Gardens by the Bay - in exchange for ruining my health. I am actually wondering how I can survive days without properly sleeping, not be sick, and still do better. The only thing I fear in this is the possibility of having a chronic insomnia. It's scary just thinking that.

I have 24 hours to New Year now. I've had a blast until the end of 2012. A fantastic year is about to end, and a new one, full of anticipation, is about to take over. Cheers to both the passing and coming year!

[LVELJ.C10   30.12012]

22 December 2012

Ancient Prophecy


Doomsday. There has already been a series of the so-called doomsday prophecy saying that the world will end on certain years or dates. There have been patrons of such things but up to this date, the world is still revolving. Yet, another date was to be recorded in the doomsday timeline. 21.12.2012.

The other day, the home page of one of my social network accounts was, well, kinda plagued with the doomsday stuffs. It was supposed to be yesterday, 21st December. However, when I came to work early yesterday morning, my colleague told me that it was Mexico's time. So, following Mexico's time in Singapore, it will be today which is 22nd December. Will the world or, at the very least, the species of humanity cease to exist?

"The end of the world."

I don't really know how to believe it. I can come up with several occurrences that will lead to the end of the world. I am still waiting for the 2019 asteroid thing that was in the news several years ago, though I think that it has already changed its course. Each one can interpret the phrase in several different ways too. Does that mean that all the living things will cease to exist? Or will the earth stop revolving? Will it rotate counter-clockwise? Will some huge planet or star collide with the Earth? Or will a black hole suddenly formed out of the blue and devour our planet? Or will it just explode since it's already time, just like a time bomb? Or will natural calamities occur all at once - tsunamis, earthquakes, storms, hurricanes, total darkness, huge lightnings, widespread fire - and leave everything in a mess with not a single living being alive and suffering?

Should the world really end in whatever way it may, it means that another world will start anew, is it not? I mean, endings always bring forth new beginnings. So, should the Earth's inhabitants cease to exist leaving the planet intact, that means that millions of years later another history will unfold. Or should the planet be destroyed, then the debris and remains will one day join with other rocks or stars and form another planet. At least, I hope so.

More than the end of the world, I am currently concerned with another thing - the end of humanity. I was reading a fictional story about existence and evolution. I just began reading the book, but that was what the part I'm reading is about. One day I will cease to exist, and so is everyone else. Then it occurred to me that, other species have ceased to exist like the humongous dinosaurs. I wondered when human species' turn will be. In another billion years time? Or, will our species even cease from existing? Science and technology were both becoming more advance by the minute and human minds are developing non-stop that it's almost scary. In the future, reviving the dead, or not dying might both be possible. The humanoids, vampires and zombies, that we only see in sci-fi films, will one day become species co-existing with humans. It could be possible that humans without any modifications in their body could become rare, or rather, extinct. Future holds nothing impossible for the present. Everything is possible.

Fantasies aside, everyone living in this day will one day die. As I am writing, the dire thought that someone is on the verge of death somewhere is kinda bothering me now. Each person is meant to die, at one's time, and not even doctors can't do anything about that. Homer mentioned in his The Odyssey, 'Still death is certain, and when a man's hour came, not even the gods can help him, no matter how fond they are of him.' Most stories has this rule of granting any wish besides reviving the dead, as well. Is that so much of a taboo? That, I don't know. But still, immortality, as of today, is not possible, but death is certain. And, as of today, we only have once to live our life. It is all up to us to live it fully or let it dull away.

For now, I'll be waiting until 2359 hrs of today for the doomsday, should it really happen. The anticipation is quite thrilling but the grave thought of dying in one blink of the eyes is frightening. I still have to wait for 21 hours should the world not end any time earlier. Let's look forward to another day for now.

[LVELJ.C08   22.12.2012]

17 December 2012

Prologue of Monotony

A daily life could never be more boring than mine. Waking up just in time to get to work, staying in the office for 8 hours and going back home to sleep. Days off from work are spent either by oversleeping or going online. It was a dull life, if it can be considered life at all.

I can't remember how I was back then, when my world seemed full of happiness, and in it were all things I loved. Back then sounded so far away from now. It was obviously a life that was once mine. It was unmistakably my past but not an inch of that happiness can be traced from my current self. Now, I'm simply a living mass of emptiness.

Three years had passed since then. Time keeps on flowing through the gaps of my fingers though I tried to hold it firmly in my hands. It was unstoppable but at the same time implacable. It goes with its own pace, uncaring and unmoved by my agony.  Time runs undisturbed. I, on the other hand, stopped my own time, froze my own world.

I had felt loneliness and helplessness before. I felt pain every single day and  it was too much that I grew used to it.  Feeling pain and sadness became the norm for me. Now, I have become numb to various emotions. Anger, sadness and happiness - they all seemed worthless to me now. I have no more reason and cause to feel them. I'm satisfied with my empty self.

I lived the same lifestyle for three years. The first year was the worst. I isolated myself and even refused the heartfelt concern of my friends. I didn't care even about the most important or stupid things in my surrounding. The laughter and quarrels of the people around me doesn't even strung a single strand of emotion inside me. Words of encouragement, rumors, acts of kindness, jokes, and violence all seemed to pass through me as if my physical existence was immaterial.  It was like I was there but I wasn't at the same time.

One day, a year and a half from that time, I arrived home straight from school. I find my mother on the dining table - crying. She was holding the only family picture  we have in our house. In the picture was the 6-year-old me, my mother, my father and my 8-year-old brother. All of us were smiling happily in that picture. However, all that cheerfulness in that single picture were taken away in an instant. It was now the complete opposite of the present. Our house only has 3 people now. My brother passed away in an accident.

I can never forget the sorrow our family had suffered that time. I was alive but my mother was suffering just like that time of my brother's death. Terror surged inside of me upon remembering the horrible thing my mother had been through. I felt guilty. My selfishness caused grief to my mother. I did not even noticed it.

I left the house without a sound, while tears are flowing out of my eyes. After a long time, I felt several emotions bursting out as if they have piled up from all the pain I have endured alone the whole time. The pain that I thought was a norm for me failed me. I was angry at myself. I felt guilty. I am afraid of what will happen. I am scared to lose another beloved. I felt helpless.

I called my closest friend. I know that she never expected me to call her. I figured that from the tone of her voice - shocked, happy, excited, confused, and worried. I told her that I badly needed someone at that moment. She invited me over to her house. She had called my place to inform my parents that I will be home late to do a school project in her's. That evening, I told her my fears and worries while crying my heart out. I had not cried for a long time that I thought my tears had already dried up.

I know how Isa had been worried about me since that time. I know but I refused even her kindness. I refused to let anyone know about what I feel and think, including my mother and father. I refused to accept anyone's kindness for me. Most of them got annoyed at my attitude but I did not care. They left me alone afterwards, but not Isa. She stayed with me despite my refusal to be involved with her. She gives me my personal space but I know that she's always looking out for me. I realized how terrible a person I became. I felt even more guilty.

That day, I decided to change little by little. I did not wish to worry other people over my matters, not even my mother or father or Isa. But still, I refused to be deeply involved with anyone. I learned to go with the flow of things but I never opened my heart to anyone, besides Isa. I started to smile but only at home - a fake smile I forced n my facial muscle. I rejected emotions that deals with other people - compassion, sympathy and empathy - but I try to understand theirs. I never find anything interesting in this world after that time and that remain unchanged. I became indifferent.

Time was passing by slowly in my stagnant way of living. It feels like everything around me was a monochrome of grey. I did the same things almost every single day. I was like a machine programmed to perform the same tasks over and over again. I graduated from school, and managed to find a job. Before I knew it, another year and a half have passed by again but my days of inner isolation are yet to pass.

06 December 2012

AFA 2012

Well, I admit that this is already a month overdue but here goes what I've seen during the Anime Festival Asia 2012!

It was, well, a long travel from where I live (the West!) and I was kind of out of the mood on the very day of the event. It seems that my excitement wore off the day before the event proper which was on 10 November 2012. I seriously can't trust my mood at times. (-_-')

Below are just some of the cosplayers that interested me during the event. There was this Once Piece troupe but I didn't get to take their photos...too bad! Well, I manage to find a Trafalgar Law Cosplay so I'm pretty much satisfied. I learned a few facts about cosplayers, although these were just from my reasons.

1.
Cosplayers automatically pose once a camera was faced to them. Well, not exactly! If they aren't posing for others before you take their photos they wouldn't even bother to face you. You SHOULD ask them for their permission to be photographed which makes sense.

2. I am not entirely sure about this but I am thinking that Coslpayers are artists in their own way. I mean, did you see the clothes, make-up, hairstyle, and accessories?! I believe most of them are customized which is pretty amazing!

3. I wonder if they are studying or practicing how to project their poses and facial expressions...if they do, they are Certified Cosplayers!

   
        

There was also an exhibition of Ball-Jointed Dolls. It was in a small booth but the display was rather wide in range.  Doll collectors are awesome! I am aware how much a ball-jointed doll would cost, but the maintenance of them are out of my knowledge. I think it was pretty tedious buying clothes for such small figures or to even sew clothes for them. Clothes aside, they also have accessories and devices, and even swords?! Aren't Doll Collectors, in a way, cool? However, while I was walking through the exhibition hall, I pass by some Doll Collectors who were holding the dolls in their arms while walking around. It kinda led me to think 'Why am I here?'. It was my first time seeing a guy with a doll sitting in his arm while walking around.

There were a lot of people who went on the first day of the AFA '12 exhibit and more people are coming as the time falls to afternoon. I thought only people of my age or younger would be interested to go to such events. I proved myself wrong when I see people of different ages go there, even families since it was a Saturday. Most of the people there are photography enthusiasts and cosplayers. I don't exactly like crowded places since it was difficult to move around but even so, I stayed there until afternoon.

Bottomline: Cosplay events are amazing! Well, there's another one I'm looking forward to.

05 December 2012

Too Much Boredom

I feel lonely as of late. I mean, I did not get to see as much people as before and I kind of miss talking to my close friends. Working abroad is kind of getting into me now. Others may consider it home sickness but I don't think so. I would say that I am more likely disturbed in many ways and the cause was most probably boredom.

I tried to find the cause of my boredom by comparing my current lifestyle to the one before, three years back. Back then, or a little more back then, I was in a relationship but I broke it off and I started to be selfish. I could careless about others although I guess it was part of my personality to bother myself with others' business. I find it troublesome, too. So, yeah, one factor affecting my boredom is being single. Being in a relationship before was fun since I have someone who will instantly come to mind should I want to go somewhere or do something or speak nonsense with. I believe that we have some kind of a mutual understanding like having a connection through distances. But, now, I guess that kind of connection could be created as long as you spend a really long time together with that person and there is an understanding between the two of you.

Another reason that I can think of was the monotony of my current lifestyle. I wouldn't deny, though,  that I find my work schedules both exciting and troublesome. But doing the same thing every single day is bound to cause me too much of boredom. I don't complain about the workload though, just the monotony of doing it.

Another reason is that I have too much in mind. There so many things that I can come up with but the thought-process was so fast that my body and time cannot catch up with it. The moment I had the willingness and time to do it, I had already lost interest to do it. I became kind of fickle minded lately. I was pretty hesitant with several things before but lately, it was just so severe. I am still sticking to the original plan though just for the feel of accomplishment. Should I become more spontaneous and random and fickle than I already am, I wouldn't know what that would cause to me.

Another reason, and one that I think is greatly affecting my thought-process, is keeping myself away from writing (although I know I'm bad with that.) Since I don't usually talk about my thoughts to someone else unless asked for them, they were just piling up inside my head with no terminal for exit. And having so much things in mind is kind of making a mess out of me. So I should go back to writing and who knows, I might improve my skills by doing so. Using shorthand would help me tons, as well. I must review and practice that.

Not long ago, I told my friend that I'm feeling bored and directionless and asked her for ideas of what I can do though I never ran out of crazy ideas. She was actually surprised to know that I'm feeling bored! Being bored has its advantages too, I think. I manage to reflect and think on some things. I don't know why, though, that it was only recently that impression or how people see me is only being revealed to me now?! It's a good thing, I guess? To look back and laughing at how childish and funny I had been back then.

LVELJ.C07 (05.12.12)

01 November 2012

Color My Days

Recently, I have not been going out during my days off from work. Perhaps the fatigue from doing overtime since August have piled up. What's more? I missed some really good stuff for photographs - Chinatown's mass lantern parade and Chinatown lantern displays. It was probably due to the cloudy and rainy season lately that I'm being too lazy to go anywhere, since I'm a sunny-day dependent photographer.

Recently, it has been raining at random times of the day here - morning, noon and afternoon. Sometimes during dawn and sometimes evening. It was so random that you just have to see the weather outside to know if it's going to rain sooner or not. In a way, it was a good thing since I wouldn't have to complain about the hot weather. It's just that I can't do any outside photography since it became a habit not to go somewhere if it's raining. Simply speaking, I am stuck at home after morning shifts and on off days.

What good stuff it caused me is that I managed to polish some old skills I have. I managed to create some small oil pastel artwork, though they are a crappy. In all honesty I haven't used them in more than five years now. I feel a bit accomplished by using my artistic skills once again. I also did some small sketches of my face based on some pictures I have in my Ipod Touch. Of course, they are really lousy since it was my first time doing human sketches from pictures. It was interesting but realist sketches aren't really my thing.

I although had some progress with my crochet. I haven't finished my gray beanie but I am doing well for now. I also started to make a small doll though I had originally planned for a bigger one. It was all for my desire of doing outfits made from crochet. I thought I should start by making doll outfits first. Hence, I started making a doll. The tricky part was the hair. I have to do and undo it several times until I feel satisfied.

My G11 was mostly untouched for the whole month since I last used when I went fishing. I was totally lazy to go out. The rainy season really made me feel cozy at home. I don't have the desire to have some new photos either. I just feel dull for the monotony that went on for a while now. I wanted to go to some museums and see artworks for free but I was very lazy to do so. I was hoping that November and the approaching Christmas will bring back my high spirits.

LVELJ.C06 (01.11.12)

12 October 2012

The Castle in the Pyrenees

It was another fantastic book by Jostein Gaarder. The story was great but it didn't affect me too much. The general idea was about religious or superstitious beliefs and paraphysics. It was like making the ends meet even though it was impossible.

The main characters were Sol and Stein. Sol was a religious person who believe in the paranormal stuff, while Stein is someone who believes scientifical explanations, a rational person. They used to be together despite this great of a difference. But one day, during one of their excavations, they met with an unexplainable occurence. From then on, they started to drift apart from each other. Nevertheless, all the years they were away from each other, I believe that they are still bound together.

During one of their so-called excavations, they hit someone while driving beyond speed limits. When they returned to see if they really did hit someone, they didn't find anything in the area besides a few shards of glass and a rose-pink colored shawl. It was the same shawl that woman, who they saw earlier that day in the highway, owns. It puzzled them and believed that the white van, which passed by them in the opposite lane after hitting something or someone, took the woman's body. They were anxious the entire time waiting for the police to go after them. Days pass but no reports were aired in the radio with regards to the hit-and-run accident. The police weren't after them either.

One afternoon, while still on their excavation, they went to explore the area behind the hotel they were staying in. It was a forest-ish area and they were headed for a hut a bit farther from the hotel. Then, the woman in the same gray clothing and rose-pink shawl that they saw in the highway and they believed they had hit, appeared before them. Sol and Steinn believed that she had spoken to them but were told different things at the same time. "You are what I was; I am what you will become." and "You should have gotten speeding ticket instead." It was so much of a mystery to them but they could not explain it either.

Not after returning to their little apartment, Sol moved out and returned to her parents place. It would be impossible to live together despite all that have happened. They had no choice but to let go of each other. They didn't see each other until one day, after thirty years, they find each other standing in the balcony of the hotel they last stayed in.
Two lives interconnected by fate and disturbed by a mysterious occurence, indeed. The story was very interesting but I guess I missed some stuffs in there. There was something in it that keeps me unsettled. It was something that I probably don't want to believe in or something that I refuse to think about. Besides my personal struggles, the story was indeed amazing.

It wasn't much of a different approach as the Sophie's World. The story was organized in a correspondence-like manner. It was modern, at least, a correspondence through emails. Vita Brevis was a letter compiled in a book. I have another Jostein Gaarder book, but I haven't touched it yet. I wonder how it will be different.

Anyway...I can't say that I believe or I don't believe in the supernatural. I just don't think about it too much. Besides, as most people say, everything is possible. I also think that I have experienced a supernatural occurence myself. It was through a lucid dream and it was a figurative dream. Given that it was a dream, I am really hesitating if that was real or not. I had decided that it was real. Besides it was the night before the last day of my grandfather's wake, and the only day I attended the wake.

In the dream, I saw a white, luminuous butterfly entered our room from the house and was flying towards me. It landed in my hands since I reached for it. I clasp it and thought that 'I am too sleepy to move around so if the butterfly managed to escape, at least the powder from its wings will be evidence that I caught it in my hands, and make me believe that it wasn't a dream.' I manage to think like that so I partly convinced myself that my mind was awake at that time. When I woke up, my hands were clasping each other, the same position as I remember in my dream, should it really be a dream. However, there were no traces of powder in my hands. In the funeral, there were white butterflies hanging around. So, I made myself think that it was my grandfather's symbol or something.

Even in the dream, the moment I saw the butterfly, I already knew that it was my grandfather. I didn't even hesitate that it was a dream. However, the passing of years made me hesitate if it was a dream or not.

Well, so much of my old dream. Here are some things mentioned in the books that I find fascinating.

*  "The world isn't a mosaic of coincidences. It's all interconnected."

*  "I'm the first to admit that two people can be in close proximity even though the physical distance between them is great."

*  "There is no death. And there are no dead."

*  "Fear is infectious. Insanity is too."

*  "But why look back? It's like moving agains't the current. Wouldn't it be better to position ourselves at the other end and take part in the breakneck journey right from the beginning?"

*  "The severance between us was surgical, and there was no anaesthetic."

*  "Atheism is not believing in the glory of your own soul." - by an Indian pundit

10 October 2012

The Story of My Life

I was never into reading biographies although they tell mostly truths about a person's life. These days though, some biographies are twisted truths or beautified realities. Why? Perhaps to let the readers imagine an excellent person instead of a struggling person.

Like I just mentioned, I am not really into reading biographies but reading diaries is a different matter. I read Anne Frank's and now, Helen Keller's short biography and compilation of letters. The biography part is mostly about her childhood years and her struggles with her studies in her special condition. She managed to attend a college for people with normal sight and hearing, and be one them. I believe that she had too great of a pressure so that she can cope with her inefficiencies. The letter part was mostly of her letters to various people and some responses from them.

Helen Keller became deaf and blind after acquiring an illness at a very young age. She had trouble communicating with others ever since, however, there were still people patient enough to understand her lack of words. Being deaf and blind at the same time prevents her from learning quickly and from communicating with others efficiently. She still has the ability to talk using her voice but it wasn't used until later in her teenage years. Her inability to distinguish sounds deprives her of her ability to produce vocal sounds as well. With proper guidance, she was able to use her voice to talk with people but I am just not too sure how she managed to receive the responses. It would either be through writing in her palm or feeling the movements of the lips of the person.

Helen Keller was given a tutor who has stayed with her ever since they met - Ms. Sullivan. I think that she was the greatest person ever mentioned in her story. Since I managed to read Ms. Keller's thoughts and perception of various things, I wanted to know Ms. Sullivan's view-point. Surely, it was difficult to learn by being deaf and blind and not knowing anything of the world. But, how much of a struggle was it to teach a deaf and blind person who knows nothing of the world? Interesting, isn't it?

Another thing I am curious about is her originality in ideas. Helen Keller cannot see or hear but I believe that her sense of touch is sharper given her condition. She learns her environment by having people describe it for her. The book is actually filled with adjectives and descriptive words and phrases - something I am not very good at. Anyway, how can her thoughts about something be original if her knowledge is basically someone else's that was imprinted to her? Well, a person can always make a mental picture of something, and it is a lot easier for people who have sight. But for a person who's sight was taken during her childhood - when she doesn't even know what a sun or a sea is - to be able to create a mental picture of something? I just cannot imagine it.

What else? I realized that well-known personalities in both science and literature today have really lived before. I mean, I would only read their names after their inventions or the titles of their masterpieces, but I really don't know anything about them. Helen Keller, however, was privileged to meet some of these distinguished people - Mark Twain, Dr. Alexander Graham Bell, Wright brothers and some other people who made names in both literature and science departments. I knew that they were real people, but I just had a clearer image of the time they were alive; that they are not some stuck-up people who only locked themselves in their houses while inventing or writing something.

In a sense, Helen Keller's life is very inspiring and motivating. It feels like I can be very grateful for what I am now and that I need not to wish for more. It can make you remember that life has its ups and downs and that there will always be people who will support you through everything. It can make you feel good about yourself and about the little things you've accomplished. It would allow you to think that life is not all about happiness, but is shared with sorrows and regrets. It was a very good read. I am thankful for my friend to gave me the book.

Well, here are some thoughts that I like from the book...

*  "When I try to classify my earliest impressions, I find that fact and fancy look alike across the years that link the past with the present."

*  "Knowledge is love and light and wisdom."

*  "Thus I learned from life itself."

*  "Any teacher can take a child to the classroom, but not every teacher can make him learn."

*  "It seems to me that the great difficulty of writing is to make the language of the educated mind express our confused ideas, half feelings, half thoughts, when we are little more than bundle of instinctive tendencies."

*  "There is no way to become original, except to be born so." - Stevenson

*  "Man only is interesting to man."

*  "I suppose we aimed o high, and disappointment was therefore inevitable."

*  "For after all, everyone who wishes to gain true knowledge must climb the Hill Difficulty alone, and since there is no royal road to the summit, I must zigzag it in my own way. I slip back many times, I fall, I stand still, I run against the edge of hidden obstacles, I lose my temper and find it again and keep it better. I trudge on, I gain a little, I feel encouraged, I get more eager and climb higher and began to see the widening horizon."

*  "Every struggle is a victory."

*  "There are as many opinions as there are men."

*  "But there is nothing more capricious than the memory of a child: what it will hold and what it will lose."

*  "To be banished from Rome is but t live outside of Rome."

*  "One goes to college to learn, it seems, not to think."

*  "I used to think that everybody was always happy, and at first it made me very sad to know about pain and great sorrow; but now I know that we could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world."

*  "I wonder how many years there will be in eternity. I am afraid I cannot think about so much time."

*  "We are all discoverers in one sense, being born quite ignorant of all things."

*  "Some one is ever ready to scatter little acts of kindness along our pathway, making it smooth and pleasant."

*  "I wonder what becomes of lost opportunities. Perhaps our guardian angel gathers them up as we drop them and will give them back to us in the beautiful sometime when we have grown wiser and learned how to use them rightly."

*  "The thought that my dear Heavenly Father is always near, giving me abundantly of all those things which truly enrich life and make it sweet and beautiful, makes every deprivation seem of little moment compared with countless blessings I enjoy."

*  "But I am slowly learning that there is not happiness enough in the world for everyone to have all that he wants."

08 October 2012

The Odyssey

I listened to a n audiobook of The Odyssey that I downloaded in my Ipod Touch. It was an interesting story and I can have a clearer image of the events in the story since the reading was full of emotions, unlike reading a book by myself.

I have watched the movie of The Odyssey some years ago and made a movie review as a requirement for my English course. That time, however, I did not focus much attention to the story and I have already forgotten it by now. Listening to the reading by various people is quite the feat since it is a new thing for me.

Basically, the story is about the misfortunes of Ulysses on his way back home after the war in Troy. There was also the story of the struggles of Telemachus, son of Ulysses, as he deals with the several suitors of his mother, Penelope, believing that Ulysses had died. Minerva, a goddess fond of Ulysses, had helped Ulysses and even Telemachus and Penelope through all their struggles. Provided with guidance from various people and with Minerva, Ulysses managed to return to his homeland and be reunited with his own family after 20 years and take revenge to the hateful suitors.

I think that the story was dark and gloomy talking mostly of one's misfortunes. I believe that the story belongs to a certain kind of literature. I am guessing that it was, at least in the old times, a tradition to ask one who they just met not only for their names but also for their misfortunes. In all honesty, I find it totally odd but I guess one could better understand a stranger by knowing what difficult things he had gone through. Even so, asking that from a person whom you just met is kind of rude, at least on this day.

I am also thinking that it was part of the traditions on the old days to ask not only for one's name, but also for his parents' name and his hometown. One's father and mother will reflect and affect one's character and so is the place where he has been raises. The culture, practices and traditions of the people in the place will partake in other's judgement of the person who came from that place. Like, if his hometown was a place known for its various sports, then the others would expect that he would at least excel in one or two of those sports. Likewise, if his parents are of noble origins, he is expected to be of excellent disposition. Even on this day, people are very careful not to bring shame on their family names. Sometimes, an adult relative of your friend will also mention that your this or that person's son or daughter. Well, the parents have lived for some good period of time, made acquaintances with several people and made themselves distinguished in one way or another...at least as compared to their off-springs.

It was also a bit evident how hospitable people were during those era. They will invite strangers into their houses and feed them before they get to know anything from these people. In this day, that very act was like asking to be doomed for it was very dangerous. Strangers are only being fed during festival celebrations, which is a tradition that has been dying as the years passed. In that age, however, I guess that their beliefs of gods were more powerful than anything and being kind to strangers is upon the will of their gods. They also believed that their gods take on the form of a mortal human and be among the human crowds to see who do excellent deeds and mischief among their fellows.

I was thinking that The Odyssey is another feminist story. In the olden times, I believe that male dominates female over almost everything. In the story however, there were some female characters who have shown dominance over males. Minerva and Penelope are some of the major female supporting characters in the story. It was also mentioned several times in the story that the cause of the war in Troy was Helen - the main story should be contained in Iliad.

Minerva, a goddess endowed with immortal beauty and magnificent powers is the main character to come to Ulysses's help. Her power and status is not as great as his father's, Jupiter, and uncle's, Neptune. There was even a part in the story where Minerva admitted that she is afraid of Neptune's anger. She had helped Ulysses to return to his hometown despite many misfortunes he had encountered. There were parts in the story were Minerva had shown her powers by changing Ulysses looks to deceive those around him or to make those around him treat him with more respect. Minerva also took forms of humans in order to come to both Ulysses's and Telemachus's aides, as well as to Penelope's. Although in the end, she still revealed herself as a goddess.

Penelope, Ulysses's wife, had gathered several suitors even though it was against her will. It was obvious how fair of a woman she was just by seeing the number of men who have come to take her for marriage. Her cleverness has been shown by her idea of making a needlework for Ulysses's father and that she will choose a man to marry after she finishes it. It was her trick to deceive the suitors since she undo her stitches every night. It was later discovered by the suitors through her maids that have fallen prey to them. Then, during a celebration when Ulysses, in disguise of an old man, return, she had come up with an idea of having an archery competition and that the winner will be chosen as the one she will marry. The suitors had a dreadful end in Ulysses's hand though.

There was also Nausicaa, a princess in the country of the Phaeacians, whose people had escorted Ulysses back to his homeland, Ithaca. I would say that his meeting with Nausicaa was the end of his misfortunes. It was Nausicaa who gave him the idea to ask his Father and Mother for help in sending him back to his country. It was through her that Ulysses managed to see his homeland again.

"Still, death is certain and when a man's hour came, not even the gods can help him no matter how fond they are of him."

This was the line that I like throughout the entire reading. Perhaps it was the only part that I remembered. It was mentioned by Minerva while on her disguised as a mortal.

06 October 2012

Trapped in a Kaleidoscope

I want to keep the words to myself. I am not trying not to hurt anyone, since pain is a proof of reality. I don't know why but it seems like a big deal to me when two of my acquaintances broke off their relationship. I was never deeply involved in their romantic affairs. I was merely an audience to a real-time movie.

I just read a blog-entry of a guy friend about his thoughts and feelings on their break-up. I like how he writes such words full of emotions. He must have thought about their relationship over and over again. I knew they were in love with each other, and I knew that he loved her.

I didn't really wanted to ask him about it for it was like rekindling the pain. Moreover, he must have been asked by several people now and he just had to tell it over and over again since he's in a faraway country. So, I asked another friend who was staying with him. He simply provided me with the general idea of what happened. That was enough, I need not know every details.

For me, it all started when I saw the change in his relationship status in a social media. The girl broke up with him with vague reasons. I knew that much, rather it was like a given should they parted ways. She's a good girl and I like her too but I simply know that he was more in love than she does. I don't know what really happened to her but I could guess some trivial reasons. There were several things affecting a long distance relationship, after all.

I wanted to comfort him since he is a friend. I just can't do it when I was the one who broke up with my boyfriend a long time ago. Indeed, I am still running away from it. Then, I read his blog entry. I suddenly felt like I was trapped in a kaleidoscope of time. Years have passed since it happened but I just can't forget. I always think of the times we shared together. There were lots of them but they were no longer chronologically arranged. I had forgotten the feelings I had during those times. It was only like watching an old-school film in black and white - no sounds, no colors, just plain images. At least I knew that I loved him.

Should I interact with him at this time, will I be seeing how my ex-boyfriend was like when I broke up with him? That is what I am hesitating about. I wanted to know and yet I don't want to. I am burdening myself unnecessarily. All along, I had thought that I have given up on him and that I no longer wanted to be with him. It seems like I was only trying to make myself believe that. I can feel some prickly pain in my heart now. I loved the warmth of our relationship and I am longing for that.

I am still running away. I am still denying and lying to myself. But, I already gave up on us.

LVELJ.C05 (06.10.2012)

20 September 2012

I let it slipped.

Since last week, I was very excited for my 'supposedly' off day last Saturday, 15 September. That was my scheduled off last week that was abruptly cancelled because my colleague called in sick. One call and everything just changed.

I was totally looking forward for the Library Book Sale that was then held at Singapore Expo for only 2 days, 15th and 16th of September. Since I only get to have one day off a week, I had to request it to be on Saturday to accommodate the event. I used to have an all-nighter the previous night prior to my off, and I did just that on Friday night. I was about to sleep at 0600hrs on Saturday morning when I received a call from my manager asking me if I can come to work on that day. I agreed to do so given that I'll be coming in for the afternoon shift.

I roughly slept for 5 hours since I woke up by myself at around 1100-1200hrs that day. I've been sleeping like a good kid the previous days. It has become a cycle that if I managed to sleep a lot for consecutive days, there will be a day when I will become unable to sleep or that I will be able to manage through the day despite lacking of sleep. That Saturday was the same but since it was out of my plan to work on my day off, I was not in the proper orientation.

It was my only chance to go for the Library Book Sale but I let it slipped. I was very excited about it considering that it was a 'library' book fair. I was thinking of what old books I will be able to add to my collection or that I might be able to find the books that I've been wanting to have. But that was cancelled. I didn't took the effort of going to the Singapore Expo far in the east nor did I get to own new titles. Instead, I worked like a diligent young adult I am.

My last off prior to that on Saturday was early the previous week so it feels like working for 14 days consecutively. I didn't feel the fatigue at all on Saturday but when I woke up on the following Monday, it just came to me. The tiredness slowly piled up and I didn't even feel it. But I knew that it was there, being inconspicuous. The good thing was that my next off, for this week I mean, was Tuesday. I felt like sleeping all the day but it was already the middle of the month. I can't afford to have myself cooped up at home dulling my precious offs away. I just have to go somewhere.

LVELJ.C04 (20.09.2012)

15 September 2012

Odd Genesis

I just created a new blog for my own satisfaction. Odd as it may seem for I am not a consistent blogger or someone well-known, but I am still trying pursue my career in writing (do I even have one?), at least in my own way. I say that although I just wanted to state my thoughts somewhere I can be my alter-ego.

So, the new blog was entitled W-ALL. As of today, I've only posted some events that I find interesting and eventually I will be attending, and some photos I've taken somewhere. The blog will be like a journal of the places I've visited, of the events I've been to and of the things I've done and seen.

It all started when my friend and I were watching a documentary-slash-discussion-slash-lecture online about the the old civilizations. Photos of different places were shown in the video and I said that I wanted to be a Travel Photographer and my friend said that she wanted to be a Travel Journalist. She, then, came up with the idea of creating a travel blog. Knowing her and myself, we actually don't have the resources and time for such stuff. A while later, when I got the time to be by myself, I thought about the idea carefully and so it leads to the blog I had now. It'll be simple and I will be trying to add as much information as I can.

I created categories such as Where, When, Whatnots, Who, Wanderlust Pixie and We. Where will be about the places I've visited and my thoughts of them; When will be about the events that I find interesting and I've participated; Whatnots will be everything else under the sun like the activities to do, things to see, food to eat and stuff; Who will be people I met and some life stories they shared or travel experiences from colleagues, friends or acquaintances - I am challenging myself to this one; Wanderlust Pixie will be the photo albums for the other entries; and We is, well, about the author/blogger/photographer.

I've actually thought of people who can help me in this blog besides my friends who came up with the idea. I can get some of my friends to help me with the layout and accessibility, or to be the blog editor, a portion writer, a photographer, or a model. If I use my connections, I can be sure to get good results, I think. But really, if I had other people helping in this blog, I think it will be a very interesting one. I just hope that I will be able to fill it with lots of stuff. :)

LVELJ.C03 (15092012)

12 September 2012

Short Stop at Botanic Garden

 


 

 



 



I went to Singapore Botanic Garden so I could relax a bit and take some new photos. It was so hot when I got there but being surrounded by trees, the temperature cooled down a bit. Nothing much changes from the area. I spend some time watching the turtles then take photos of flowers while walking. I stayed the longest in shade of yellow trees surrounding the Bandstand. It was as beautiful as always. I got pretty decent pictures too. Next time, I really should buy sun glasses for my eyes.

05 September 2012

LVELJ: Randomness-filled August

Here goes my second entry for my La Vie En Le Jour concept.

Every since the year 2009, I've become more conscious of the month of August. In a way, it has become special to me even though August 2009 was such a horrible period in my life so far. I don't remember well the entire stuff that happened that time but I am sure that the important things will remain in my memory. An I am not to state those things here.

Well, three years have passed since then and August 2012 just passed as well. It was not much of a busy month for me although it has been the most random and most activity-filled month since coming back to Singapore. I wouldn't be stating each day since not everyday is eventful.

My Muslim friends celebrated Hari Raya Puasa on August 19. Barely a month prior to that date, they were fasting. I am sometimes joining some of my friends for dinner whenever it's time for fasting's break which was a quarter or so past 1900hrs. I've also visited the bazaar in Paya Lebar and Geylang areas. It was such a lively fair.

On the first night I went for the fair, it suddenly started raining heavily and so we weren't able to enjoy the night's breeze on dry grounds. The second night I went there was to accompany my friends for some last minute shopping. I was looking forward to going there on the eve of Hari Raya Puasa but they cancelled that so I didn't managed to experience how packed the area was.

The Olympics 2012 held in London also happened between end of July to early August. I was not able to watch the full opening ceremony aired on some TV channels but the parts I got to watch were interesting. I love the part of Rowan Atkinson's (Mr. Bean) participation. I think the opening ceremony is grand and elegant. I love watching the diving competition and the gymnastics. The participants are just beautiful and graceful.

I had my company spirit improved a bit. I participated in the Gardenia Factory Tour and the Care and Share for the old folks from a certain organization. There wasn't so much to discuss regarding the Gardenia Tour so I'll be stating more about the Care and Share event. That was held on the evening of 16 August 2012 in my workplace. That was the first care and share event that I participated to and I had fun with it. We were providing service for our guest from an organization for the old folks. They were all old people and I don't know if they have family or not.

I have assisted some of them in going through the stairs since they are a bit fragile due to their age. I actually don't know how to approach them so I am observing at first. Honestly, they are quite pitiful to be living away from their own family, if they still have. Most of them are friendly and some doesn't even want to be helped. There are also some who would keep talking to you or wave at you or greet you with friendly and warm smiles. I can't believe that I will be surrounded by several old people. I am avoiding being too affectionate with them since I am there as part of the service crew.

I was assigned on a table with all female guests. There are three old folks who stand out in our table - I guess they are friends and one is taking care of the two, another is always talking to me in Tamil so I juts said yes and nod in reply without understanding what she said, and another one was scratching her head most of the times. The others are sitting quietly and watching the performances. They left shortly after some performances after their meal.

I also got an employment offer from my old manager in my workplace when I had my training in two years ago in Singapore. It was a good offer and going back to the food and beverage area is not so bad for me. Furthermore, it will be easier to catch up since I already know how things work there. I attended the interview a week after I was offered the employment. Unfortunately, I am under-qualified since I lack experience of working in the food and beverage department and they are hiring for executive positions which I wasn't informed of. It was such a waste since I was even recommended by the Food and Beverage Operations Manager. Truth be told, it made me quite depressed by the fact that I didn't get accepted although I had known all along that that would be the case considering several other stuffs. Failures aren't that easy to be accepted after all. But, I have moved on from that depression by now. It as too good of an opportunity and it wasn't the right time for that yet.

I also had a friend who visited Singapore on the third quarter of August. I have to entertain them of course since we have work in the same place for our training back in 2010. We didn't get to spend much time together since I only managed to see them on their last two days in Singapore. We eat dinner with another friend and I went with them on their errands too. I also send them off to the airport.

August 2012 has been filled with food and people for me. I have been with several people too much that I didn't get enough me-time for myself. I didn't managed to take much photos as well. Always being with people leaves me little to no time to think in peace. I managed to finish reading Helen Keller too. I tried reading it two years ago but I didn't manage to finish the book. This time, I had all the free time during work to read a book.

I still had the entire September ahead of me. I have no clear plans yet but I have arranged meetings with some friends already. I have to go to various places and take pictures. Having nicely taken photos also uplifts my mood and visiting weird places is just for my own satisfaction. I am currently trying to learn Melayu and reviewing my Stenography. I wish to review my French as well. I will have to study coffee art at home too - without a milk steamer or frother. I'm good at planning and I wish to implement them too.

LVELJ.C02 (05.09.2012)

03 September 2012

Night Festival: Painting the Night with Lights

For all the weekends of August there were presentations at night in Art and Culture district of Singapore - Bras Basah. It was part of the Night Festival which showcases various arts using lights. I believed that it was this year's concept for  the Art Festival Singapore although I am just guessing. It was a fascinating event although I find out about it too late and only managed to go on the last night of the event.

There were a lot of people for the Night Festival. Well considering that these were only during Friday and Saturday nights, that wasn't much of a surprise. Really. The areas covered were School Of The Art (SOTA), Singapore Art Museum (SAM), Singapore Art Museum at 8Q, National Museum of Singapore, Singapore Management University and the shops in Armenian Street. Mainly, it was just around Bras Basah area. Armenian Street actually has a road closure to give way to scheduled street performances. I have been to Armenian Street several times during daylight and it was such a quite and picturesque area. One who have been to the Armenian Street during the Night Festival would probably not believe that the area was the polar opposite during daytime.

It was very regrettable that I only learned of the event on its last week. I only had one night to see several stuffs so I only managed to see stuffs that interested me. I would've have enjoyed it if I only managed to go on all the weekends. Well, I had my fair share of fun, though. It was a great event.

  
 


 


 

 

 

 

 



 


 



 

 

all photos were taken using Canon Powershot G11. more photos here