22 October 2014

Repeat

It's off beat; am I on track?
Just go forward, don't look back
The tune of everyday
Always sad, mad and gay
Sometimes its monotony
Makes me feel dreary

Same things, different day
Just like a film on replay

I'm bored of this dryness
Tired of the still, sameness
But it goes on and on and on
This music in repetition
How am I s'pose to stop this?
How do I beat this reprise?

Running straight forward
Not stopping then panting hard
It was always the same things
Nothing new, it's kinda boring
This is my usual everyday
And now I'm getting gray

On a brand new day that's  sparkling and shinning
It's the same old stuff that's dusting and fading

The music played again
From the start to end
How many times has it been?
Is this a punishment for a sin?
I'm tired, how do I stop this?
Enough, someone stop it please?

And it played again
From beginning to end
The repeat just goes on
And the colors are still monotone
The same tune, words and feel
How do I keep it from being still?

Had enough of my everyday
I'm tired of this reprised play
I pulled on my earphones
While the music still goes on
It was time to let this go
Or it will be the same tempo

And the music finally stopped
Many new things I could pick up
The grayness of everyday
Are changing in a funny way
New things for the new day
Finally, a new tune is on play

15 June 2014

The Night I Met You

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Jacob

I was right. I knew that I shouldn't have let them do that. I was the only person against the idea and I couldn't do anything against the majority. But because I was extremely against the idea, I set two conditions. One was that I will have no participation in it. The second became a bet with Nate but it depends on how the situation turns out. All of us agreed with it the conditions, if they win, they had their share of fun and I need not do anything for them. But if I win, they would definitely have a taste of the underworld. They were aware of that much the moment they made the bet with me. I won the moment I saw tears flowing out of her eyes. At that very moment, it felt like all of my blood boil that my veins almost burst. I was raging inside but I kept my composure and only glared at my friends. That was just a warning of what is yet to come. They knew I mean business, and this time especially is not an exception.

As we made our way to our place, I glanced at her through the rear mirror. She was happily talking with Nate in the back seat as she tried on the masks that he made for her. I was still mad even by that time.

"Just drive. She's not going anywhere." Mark remarked.

"I know." I replied coolly. I took another glance at her before setting my gaze on the road, but I caught her looking at me as well. She noticed me and gave me a warm smile. It was only then that I began to calm down.

We arrived at our subdivision a little earlier than planned so we decided to spend some time first at our place. We also need to wait for Chris who has been assigned to do something else for the prank they played on her. I just did not know how he managed to pull it out or if he was successful. But it was Chris we were talking about. Any assignment that fell on him will definitely be done beyond expectation.

When the color of indigo wrapped the entire sky, and the stars started twinkling, we headed out for our mission. Chris joined us shortly after we left the house. He was wearing his complete outfit, grim reaper's black cloak with hood and mask that Nate proudly made and painted. Of course, he also had his sickle made of cardboard that Nate also crafted. I would admit that it looked so damn real. I just hope that none of the patrols would come and invite us for questioning.

"Chris, Danica. Danica meet Chris." I introduced although both of them are wearing their masks.

Danica started to remove her mask but Chris interfered. "I should like to see that beautiful face of yours behind the mask but I’m up for the thrill of waiting. Isn't it more romantic that way?" Chris initiated. "But it's good that I finally got to meet you."

I heard a soft giggle from her, and unconsciously, I elbowed him on his arm. He paid me no attention though. I was fine with that. What I was not fine was the fact that I was getting overprotective and pretty damn possessive of her when I have no right to.

"Same here. It's good that I finally met you." Danica replied. "I mean, Nate and Jacob always tell me something about you."

"And I bet that whatever that something is was never good." Chris commented.

"Okay, cut! Can we start now? Like for real?" Nate joined in, sounding impatient.

Nate was all giddy the whole day, like a little girl looking forward to receive her newest doll. In addition to Christmas and Chinese New Year - yes, the twins came from a Chinese bloodline although it was not apparent in their physique - Halloween is one of Nate's favorites. Yearly we only go around the town for trick or treat because of him. I know for myself that we were too old for that but it was fun, and having fun knows no age. He was in charge of our costumes and props, and I commend him for doing a great job every year.

"Guess we should, before our big boy here started throwing tantrums." Mark said comically, wrapping an arm around Nate's shoulders. I had known Nate for a long time and I knew that he really would sulk afterwards if we had not collected candies enough for his satisfaction. He said that it was the reward for his efforts. But in reality it was how he rate his craftsmanship. He has some confidence issues so sometimes he just needed proof.

"By the way, is Jane coming with us?" She asked suddenly when we were ready to head out for our mission.

"Nope. She said we're idiots for stealing candies meant for kids." I replied.

"She just doesn't know how to have fun. Unlike you right, Danica?" Nate butted in.

"I wonder about that." I snorted at her answer, or at how she responded to Nate's behavior more like.

We knocked on every house that we passed by trying our luck for treats. Some houses would give a good deal of sweets, some even gave out homemade cakes or pies. Others prepared tricks or pranks to scare the visitors. We passed by several children wearing adorable outfits with their guardians; some are smiling widely while some are crying. There were also several teens roaming around, dressed in a more mature Halloween icons. Although there were several outstanding costumes that we saw, we care more about a different matter. We try to make it a point to see the baskets, or plastic bags for most teens, that they carry with them, comparing their hauls with ours.

"Say, how about we go separately?" Mark suggested as we sat on the side of the street drinking canned sodas from a vending machine.

"Individually?" Chris checked.

“Pairs. Three and two." He answered.

"That sounds good. At least we don't have to go all over the town." I added.

"And how would the pairing go?" Nate asked.

"That's a given bro. The three of us." Chris pointed at himself, Nate and Mark. "And the two of them." Then he point to Danica and me. "Unless...."

"Ah! That's fine." Nate frantically answered stealing a glance at me. "I'd like to live longer..." He mumbled under his breath but I heard him.

Of course there was no question with that arrangement. Not Mark, Nate or Chris. Well, Danica might have issues with that but it's not like I would just let her be paired with any one of them, and alone for that matter. They knew that I would have forced them to leave us alone one way or another, so it's better that only the two of us be paired up from the start. It saves everyone's time and energy. Besides it will be really awkward for two guys to go around the neighborhood by themselves, even if they have known each other for years or they are brothers.

I had planned this beforehand and have told about the guys about it. Halloween is not the main event for tonight. It was only made to appear as such but there is a much better thing happening later. I am certain that she would like it. I think she already had her share of fun with knocking and shouting 'trick or treat' anyway. Can you believe that she had never participated in this kind of event when she was younger? It only made me wonder as to what kind of childhood she had.

We went on a different street from the others but not before Nate whispered something to her. I have not even the tiniest bit of idea what it was about but I am as sure as hell that I would not like that. Why? It was Nate were talking about here after all. Danica and I did a little bit of trick-or-treating on our own but I made sure not to have it last for long. It was kind of awkward and embarrassing to be honest. I offered to return to our house to rest because it was already pretty late in the evening to which she agreed.

I brought her to the rooftop of my house - the main stage for tonight's big event. I have prepared some things beforehand just for tonight like snacks, refreshments, blankets and even pillows. It was already eleven in the evening, an hour after the celestial show supposedly began. There was really no point in watching it from the time the astronomers have stated it would start. After all, we could only see a little from then. And even it was closer to the peak time, it was still not guaranteed that we could see a lot. Ah! I have forgotten. The main event that I was talking about was a meteor shower that you could only see once in ten years, or so the reports say.

"Uhm, is there something here?" I heard her ask. I finished setting up blankets on the floor and turned to face her.

"A little something, yeah." I replied. "So how about we sit here for now?" I offered hooking my thumb to the blankets I placed on the floor. I made sure that she was comfortably settled and had enough blankets on her to keep her warm. I decided on lying on the blanket to have a better view of the night sky.

It was a new moon tonight making it perfect for stargazing. There were no clouds hindering the view as well. And I checked the weather forecast to ensure that it was never going to rain tonight. It was the perfect a night for a meteor shower. I just hoped that she would liked it.

"So what are we going to do here?" She asked.

"Do you like stargazing?" I asked her.

"Stargazing? Well, I am not sure if I like it. I have never done it before." She answered honestly.

"So you're saying that you never went out during night time just to see the stars?" I asked pretending to be surprised.

"I did. But if you say stargazing, does that not include constellations and other pretty complicated stuff?" She confirmed, confused.

"No, it doesn't." I simply answered.

"Eh? Seriously? So all my life I've thought of it wrongly?" She remarked frantically. I let out s little snicker. "Why?"

"Sorry, I'm just kidding. But we'll be stargazing to night. Is that fine with you?" I asked her.

"Yeah!" She answered a little too loud.

"Excited aren't we?" I teased her.

"Well since you're offering that should mean that you can teach me about constellations right?" She asked.

"Pretty much. I used to do it with my dad. You could say that is how we hangout with each other." I informed her.

"It's the first time I heard you speak of your dad."

"I don't have much memories of him."

"You mean..." She trailed off, thinking carefully on how to put her words.

"Yeah. Been ten years since then."

"I'm sorry." She said sadly.

"You don't have to worry about it. It's been a long time now." I had not expected the conversation to turn out as such. I can see that she looked a little solemn from the corner of my eyes. I should change the topic. "Come to think of it, you really haven't told me anything about yourself."

"Well, that's because I have always thought of myself and my life in general as boring. I don't think anyone would be interested in anything about me." She said.

"I'd be. Family, friends, hobbies, anything. So care to share?"

"Are you sure? I mean I don't really have anything inter-"

"Don't be like that. You may think that the life you are living right now is boring. But I'm sure that there is someone out there who would trade anything just so they could live like you do. And if it’s boring, you could just paint it with fun"

"Hmmm..." She seemed to have pondered a little about it.

"And you can tell me anything, I'd be glad to listen. Even the things that you think are the most boring. And while you're at it, I suggest you lay down like me. You'd miss a good show otherwise." I answered.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Who knows?"

She changed her position and lied down just beside me. I was right on using a smaller blanket as a mat. I offered her more blankets in case that was not enough for her.

"So?" I urged.

"If you insist, then I think it's fine. As you know, I live with my cousin. I also have a younger brother who's living in our house. I usually go back there to see my family every weekends but they are currently out of town. I'm not really family oriented or anything. It was just a condition set by my father otherwise he wouldn't have let me live independently. Although living with a cousin is not completely independent at all."

"I think I understand your father's sentiments. If I have a daughter too, I wouldn't just allow her to live on her own all of a sudden."

"That maybe so but he's too..."  She hesitated to continue.

"Doting?"

"Ye-yeah." She nodded sounding a little embarrassed. So she was a daddy's girl. "Ah!" She suddenly got up from her position. "Did you see that?"

"What?" I asked but not hiding the grin that was on my face.

"A shooting star! I should have made a wish." She said a little disappointed. "Ah! Another one. Wow! Two at once! It's the first time I've seen that much in one night." It was kinda fun watching her get excited over a couple of shooting stars. Well, I guess it has finally started.

"Well, Angel, how about you lie down again and enjoy the show. You'll get to see more of that."

"What do- A meteor shower?!" I nodded. "Seriously?!" I nodded again.

The Night I Met You

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
31st October XXXX

It all started after I ended the call with Jacob and continued until the moment he appeared.  There were two incidents but I don’t know if they were related or not. I could only hope so because the first incident is still bothering me although I have forgotten about it throughout the day.

After I ended the call with Jacob, I returned to watching the cartoon show that my cousin likes to watch. It was actually my cousin and Kyle who were watching it a moment ago but they went to somewhere else again. I am about to head out in an hour or so as well, and it made me realize just how sad my apartment was feeling without her residents almost the whole time. It was then that my phone rang. The screen displayed a private number and without hesitation, I answered the call.

“Hello?” I greeted.

I waited patiently for the caller to say something but it was in vain. There was no answer or any sound coming from the other line. I thought it was weird but did not mind it at all. It could be a prank call, and by luck they got my number right. I ended the call and placed the phone back on the couch. I am about to change the TV channel but my phone rang once again displaying another private number. I answered the call but just like the first call, there was no answer or sound coming from the other line. I ended the call but before I could put the phone down, a private number called again.

I hesitated to pick up the call. If it was a prank call like the ones earlier, then there was no point in answering it. But it could also be about an emergency and that the other line was having a problem. Betting on the latter, I answered the call. I waited longer than I did during the first two calls and fortunately, something came on the line. It was a static noise mixed with faint noises or muffled voices. I could not understand anything, everything was just faint sounds. I still stayed on the line but it was hopeless. I decided to end the call and if it really was an emergency they will be sure to call again.

Roughly thirty minutes have passed since the last call and I received nothing again. I only slouched lazily on the couch waiting for him to pick me up. Suddenly I heard knocking sounds coming from the main door of my apartment. It was kind of weird because we have a doorbell placed just beside the door, making it visible to anyone. I went to the main door and peeked through the hole. I tried to survey the area but there was nothing I could see from my position. It was against my apartment’s rule to open the door without knowing the person standing on the other end so I returned to the couch. However, the same thing happened twice afterwards. Sometimes, kids from the other units play along the corridors and knock on doors and maybe it was just them. The weird thing was that I could not see any person standing in the corridor.

Minutes passed since then and my phone suddenly rang. I expected it to be Jacob but the screen displayed otherwise. It was a call from a private number. I answered the call and I cringed from hearing a high-pitched static noise mixed in with muffled sounds. I continued to stay on the line hoping to get an audible word from the caller. But it was fruitless. A private number called again but this time I was able to get something. The static noise was still there but I could hear someone speaking on the other line. It was barely audible but the person spoke the words repeatedly that I managed to make it out. It was a voice of a woman saying, “Help me.”

When I realized it, I was speechless. I had no idea what was going on or how I could help her. I do not know her whereabouts or what is happening to her. I became a little anxious as to what I should do but before I could ask her anything, the call got cut off. Thoughts came running inside my head. Should I call the police? But I have no idea what I should tell them. I don’t know the situation. I could not explain anything to them. They could even say that it was a prank call. I waited for the next call from the same caller. Five minutes. Ten minutes. Twenty minutes. There was nothing.

What happened? Would she not call again? Then how should I know how to help her? Was it really just a prank call? But what if it was real and I was the only person who knew about it? What should I do? As I was pondering on the course of actions that I should take, my phone rang again. It was another call from a private number. I immediately answered the call and waited. At first there was nothing on the other line. Then the static noise came followed by a loud scream. “HELP ME!”

I was startled that I jumped from the couch and almost dropped my phone. I was petrified. My heart was beating hard against my chest. What was that? I placed the phone back to my ear but the call was cut off. I stood still waiting for another call. It was then that the door bell rang loudly in the front room. It startled me so much that I dropped my phone. It was probably Jacob. I dashed to the door and saw him standing on the other side. I quickly unbolted the locks and when I turned the knob, the door swung open.

The next thing I knew was that I was sitting on the floor after being easily dragged to the other end of the room by two people clad in black clothing and masks. I was tight lipped. I could not understand what was going on. I was in a state of shock.

Both of them were taller than me and their body, even under the loose clothing seemed well-built. Their hold in my arms were strong as well and I knew instantly that I could not fight back against them. Who were these people? What happened to Jacob? One person bent down before me and said something. It was a voice of a guy and I heard him but I was too panicked to understand his words. He repeated himself in an impatient, threatening tone. “What are you giving us?”

Give them? Was this robbery? But wouldn't the people in the lobby be able to notice them? What about the security? Or are they occupying the whole building and was holding everyone as hostage? But is that even possible? Before I could speak up, the second person, also a guy, spoke. “He’s asking you.” He said in a threatening manner.

“I-I don’t know.” I stuttered. I could still feel my heart crashing against my chest.

“Why? Don’t you know what day it is?” The first guy asked again. Day? What does he mean?

“N-no.” I answered mindlessly.

“That’s too bad then.” He said humorlessly. Then the second guy whispered something to him. Have they decided what to do with me? Is there a way I could ask for help? Where’s my cousin? Where is Jacob?

They positioned themselves before me, and in a swift motion they removed their masks and cheered something but I was too frantic to understand anything. I was once again shocked when I saw their faces - their familiar faces. What's going on? My mind was having difficulty in figuring out why Mark and Nate were both standing before me, both clad in the black clothing and holding their masks. To top it off, they were laughing hard, especially Nate. In a matter of seconds, their laughing expression turned into that of grim, as if they saw death before them.

I noticed someone appeared in the doorway. My sight was blurry but I knew that it was Jacob. He paced towards me and assisted me to stand but my knees were too weak to do so. In a swift movement, he was able to lift me off the ground like it was nothing, and carried me princess-style to the couch. I was unable to react. I was still in a state of shock. He sat beside me facing my direction. One of his hands made its way to my face, wiping tears from my cheeks. Soon, he pulled me to his chest and held me in his arms, his hand caressing the back of my head. I could feel his warmth. I could smell his scent. It calmed me down. His mere presence is enough to calm me. But when he placed a kiss on my forehead my tears stopped almost immediately. My emotions rampaged inside me. I was brought back to my senses.

“They forced me into this. But are you okay, Angel?” He whispered, sincerity lining his voice.

“What was going on?” I asked, curious to know what is happening.

He pushed me a little from him and sheepishly said, “Well, uhm...trick or treat!”

Trick or treat? It took me another minute and a look on my phone to figure out what was actually going on. It was Halloween. I just don't know why these big guys are celebrating it. "Isn't that for kids?' I asked confused.

“What are you saying?! We’re forever kids!” Nate complained but it only took him one glare from Jacob to instantly shut up.

The Night I Met You

CHAPTER TWENTY
31st October XXXX

I was lazing around in the front room with the television playing a cartoon show while my mind was adrift to the events of the previous night. It was a dreamy night, magical and fantasy-like. A prince charming led me to wonderland instead of a white rabbit. We did not fly on a magic carpet but he made the stars fall down upon us. It was not a fancy castle where he brought me with things sparkling and glittering, but everything around us was full of life. Unfortunately, like Cinderella, the magic wore off as the clock strikes on the curfew hour.

He sent me home safe and sound and I had not talked to him since then. I was hesitant on whether I should send him a message or not. I do not know how to start. I have no idea what to tell him. It only made me realize how hard it is just striking a decent phone conversation. If I think about it, he was always the one reaching out to me and I did nothing but accept his kindness.

I wanted to know what was all that about. He said that it was a surprise but it was too vague for my understanding. What was the surprise for? I don't want to be too conceited to think that it was for me. I could not even imagine the effort that was put in just to arrange everything. It was certainly a surprise made for a special event...a special person. And I am not that person. But deep within my heart, a part of me was hoping that even just a little bit it was meant for me. If I keep myself from the light of the reality, I could still continue to deceive myself like that. Sometimes, ignorance can be a kind of sanctuary to run to when reality is too difficult to face. I know that the truth will unveil itself to me on the right time. So for the time being, I will bear the curiosity I harbor and ensconce myself in a dream I wanted to believe.

He has been nothing but gentle to me ever since we met. And up to this day, within the short time we have known each other, I still could not figure out what he was thinking. It might be because I have associated myself too little with men, hence knowing what he thinks was an impossible feat. But what happened last night was giving me the impression that, maybe, even just a tiny bit, he might have feelings for me. Feelings that are similar to one who holds endearment for a special person. I do not want to read between the lines but what happened last night was giving me the idea that he holds special emotions towards me. I was too absorbed in the moment that I could not say anything at all. I was too focused with how my heart was throbbing heavily against my chest that I could not think properly. I do not understand how his actions made my emotions fall into chaos right then. Despite the storm in my mind and heart, I remember how warmth his body feels against my back and how he held me gently as if I was something very precious and delicate. I felt safe and comfortable, and I even thought how staying like that for a long time would not be so bad either. Even now, I could still feel his warmth on my back and I want to feel it once more. I really do not want to admit it myself, but maybe what I am feeling towards him is more that just attachment?

Looking back, it was barely a week since we have known each other but it seemed that during that period, I have spent more time with him than I did with my cousin and Kyle. It might be my unconscious surfacing but our time together kept my mind busy from thinking of that painful thing that recently happened. And I was thankful to him for keeping me company during the times that I might have succumb myself to loneliness instead. I would not deny that his presence have been invaluable during my dark times.

Still his presence is something that frightens me. I am not afraid of him. I was afraid of what he was capable of doing. I don not know him very much and it frightens me to think that what we have all this time was also a pretentious act. I knew that I would be hurt if he suddenly said that he only got close to me and treated me nicely because of a dare. If that ever happened I could not blame him. Who would like a plain and dull girl like me? Moreover, we have only known each other for a few days and that only leaves more room for my doubts. The possibility that he was only playing with me is still there. Maybe it was a kind of self-defense mechanism that I am being too suspicious of him. But I could not really help it with what painful thing I have just been through.

However, despite all the suspicions that had built up inside my head, the fact that I liked spending time with him remains. I have always felt comfortable and secured around him. I am happy in his company and never once bored myself. He showered me with gentleness and kindness that I don't think anyone you just met for a few days would do. Honestly, I could not imagine him trying to cause me harm after all that he has done. He was always looking at me with tender and caring eyes. And even if he betrayed me, I knew that I would still be thankful to him. He is my savior and that will never change. If there is something that I could do for him to return the favor, I know that I will do everything in my power to have it granted. That is just how much thankful I am to him.

I still wonder about his reasons for always being with me, for staying with me and for helping me. He should not have any reason to stick with a stranger. He really is a kind guy, I guess. A few days was indeed not enough to get to know each other well but I don't need to rush. We have enough time in our hands.

20 May 2014

The Night I Met You

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Jacob


She is beautiful. And I was a lucky bastard to have met her.

She was more beautiful than anything in this world. Not even something of natural beauty could be compared to her. Scenery of a thousand fireflies in a pitch black forest was no match for her. All the girls will definitely fall in love with that. They would be so touched and feel so special, enough to give up their virginity to the guy that would show that to them. Girls usually let their emotions get the better of them. But she is different. She was very different from all the girls I have been associated with. She broke all of my expectations. She made me feel and experience things for the first time. She is special. She is very special girl. And I am such a coward who could only wish to have her.

I was plain annoyed of my actions…of my cowardice. I was given the chance. I had the perfect opportunity. We were alone. The mood was right. Even our lips were just millimeters apart. It was the perfect moment but I have to act like a fucking pussy after mustering enough courage to make a move on her. I just have to be afraid of the consequences of my words. I wanted to date her properly. Technically we were dating but it was more like hanging out as friends. I want to date her properly as my girlfriend. Sure, I might just be behaving like a possessive bastard but I could at least enjoy a little more benefits while I am at it. That aside, I just wanted to let her know how I truly felt about her, and maybe ask her what she thought of me. I wanted to increase her consciousness of me. She seemed like the type that needs to be told directly otherwise she would just passed me off as a very good friend.

I only have to say three words. I was already there and was about to tell her but I became frightened on that very moment. I wanted her to know but I was afraid that she would reject me. In the worst case scenario, she would ignore me altogether. At least I never wanted for the latter to happen. I don’t want to lose her. That was the very reason why I was trying my best to hold back and deny to myself that I liked her. If I lost her I would probably break into several irreparable pieces.

I have been doing things and acting as I like since we met but since I outspokenly admitted to my friends how I truly felt about her, I wanted to act properly. I have always been hesitant about my actions towards her and how I should really treat her. We were complete strangers…at first. But it has changed as I spent more time with her, as I get to know her. I did not really know how she thought of me and of all the things we did together. All I know is that she was thankful to me. I don’t really want to be treated as a superhero by her. Well, that doesn't sound so bad either but I wanted to be more than that to her. I wanted her to look at me properly as a man, and as a potential love interest. For that to happen, I wanted to change what we currently are. Being good friends is nice but I don’t want to get stuck on that phase. In her case most especially, that is a very delicate subject. I think it would be better if she did not think of me as a good friend at all. Being less than strangers would still be in my advantage.

I wanted to confess to her so damn bad and the words were just at the tip of my tongue, but hesitated at the very last second. I lost all of the confidence that I have and thought of all the negative possibilities that might happen. I crushed my own ego. She always manages to do that without having to do anything. She was a goddess that came down to earth and I am but a mere mortal that was not even worthy of witnessing her beauty. In my eyes she was more radiant and more beautiful as compared to millions of fireflies. In that very moment, she was like a painting that came to life. After a fierce battle with my conscience, I decided to speak my mind on a different day, when I am mentally and emotionally prepared... when I know that I can withstand whatever her answer is. I have chosen to stay in a precious moment that might never come by again. Maybe I have drawn the lucky straw by backing out on the last second.

We were alone together in the middle of the dark forest, and before us was a scenery of indescribable beauty that could move anyone who saw it. In a place where the mood was romantic and, according to her,magical, with our bodies so close to each other, our faces next to each other’s, our lips only millimeters apart...no one would want to break free from such a moment. And any guy would kill anyone who disturbs that moment. At least, I would. We were so close that I could feel her warm breath against my lips. We were that close that I almost kissed her. I almost did but I held it in. I really don’t want to do anything more than being that close to her. Truthfully, I liked the moment itself. We were so close that we were sharing each other’s warmth in a chilly night. I was not certain if it was my imagination but my heart was beating wildly against my chest at that time.

I did not regret not kissing her. But I still wonder how it would feel like to put my lips against her soft pair, to have my tongue explore inside her mouth, to share her warmth through her lips, to hear her moan just from a deep and hot kiss…Shit! Maybe I really do regret it. I should have done it. I should have kissed her. That was the first time I ever hesitated to kiss a girl. That was also the first time that I did not kiss a girl despite the mood calling for it. Should I start questioning my manhood? Who in their right mind would leave the moment as it is? My forehead was leaning against hers. My nose was caressing the side of hers. I could feel her breath on my lips. I only have to move a bit and our lips would be locked with each other’s. I bet if would feel really good to kiss her. Dammit!

I really don’t know what I was thinking or what I was doing. Did my actions at least made her more think more about me? Maybe, I just have a loose screw in my head or I may have gone completely crazy. We were just strangers at first. In a short amount of time, we were just a few millimeters apart. And one day, I would be able to say those words I did not tell her.

<< Chapter Eighteen

The Night I Met You

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

30th October XXXX



"So-so what is next?" I finally managed to utter,breaking the silence as we walked through the dark and quiet forest.

“A surprise.” He answered quietly.

We continued to go deeper into the forest. The deeper we go, the darker the place was. The forest was very dark and quiet if not for the nocturnal animals, or beings, making their existence known through sounds. But I wasn't very much frightened. Had I been with myself alone, I would have felt scared. But I was not, he was with me. It made me feel secure and safe and I know that he was leading us carefully to the place he wanted to bring me.

I felt his grip on my hand tightened a little. I tried to see if there was anything wrong, but the darkness of the place did not allow me to see his expression. “Is something wrong?” I asked.

“Hmm…nothing? Why do you ask?” He answered in the same quiet voice.

“I, uhm, just thought if we might be lost or something.” I answered hesitantly. Would he think that I don’t trust him?

He let out a breathy chuckle and said confidently, “We’re not lost Angel. Don’t worry."

Despite how he said it, it did not really assure me. The place was just so dark that I couldn't even tell which direction is what. But I could only trust him. He knew the place and I could only bet my faith on him. I don’t think he would do something as strange as getting us lost anyway.

Suddenly, he stopped walking. I bumped onto his back lightly. I would probably be fine if I had not worn heels in the forest. But I did and I was not really used to wearing them. I lose my balance and felt myself starting to fall. It was inevitable that I would fall. I shut my eyes and waited for my body to slump on the ground. But it did not. Instead, I felt an arm wrapped around my waist and when I opened my eyes I saw his face close to mine, our body just millimeters apart from each other.

“Are you okay, Angel?” He asked, his voice lined with worry.

“Yeah. Thank you.” I answered, pretty much embarrassed of myself. I was not used to wearing heels. And walking in the forest grounds with them is not ideal at all. But I guess I should be pretty proud of myself for surviving them.

I noticed that he looked around us as if confirming something. “I think here should be good.” He said. He let go of me and said, “Just hold on for a while.”

He took a few steps away from me, leaving traces of his warmth on my body. I watched him closely as he took something out from the bag that he was carrying. He crouched on the ground like he was arranging something. When he seemed to be finished, he went back to my side and took my hand again. He led me to the area that he arranged where a cloth was placed on the ground.

“Take a sit. Be careful.” He said, his voice remaining quiet.

He assisted me as I sat on the cloth-covered ground. He was especially careful with my dress like he doesn't want to dirty it. I sat next to him.“So, we’re here?” I asked again.

“Yeah, we’re here.” He answered.

“And what is it that you wanted to show me?” I asked again.

“Just wait and see, Angel.” He answered.

I noticed that he turned on a small light and immediately covered it with his hand. He removed his hand from the light and immediately put it back again. He did the same thing over and over again. I was left wondering to myself what he was doing.

“What are you doing?” I finally asked, unable to keep to myself.

He turned to face me and despite the darkness, I managed to make out a smile on his face. He moved his hand to my chin and moved my face to a different direction. “Look.” He whispered very close to my ear that I could feel the warmth in his breath.

I slowly shifted my gaze to the direction he ushered me to face. I was yet again speechless to what was before me. What I saw was something of exquisite beauty that never in my life had I seen before. No, I don’t think I would ever see this scenery in my entire life had this chance not come by. Hundreds or even thousands of tiny lights were floating near us. And slowly, more lights started to appear around us. It was as if I was in a magical moment. It felt like I was in a fairy tale were several fireflies gather around me.

I was not able to tear my gaze away from the sight, nor was I able to utter any word. I was just there, taking in everything, appreciating the very moment, afraid that it might disappear any second soon. Suddenly, he held my hand and moved even closer to me, his chest leaning against my back. I noticed that my heart was racing against my chest. Whether it was because I was extremely touched by what I saw or because of his sudden actions, I was not able to identify.

I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes. The image of us as we were sitting in the pitch black darkness surrounded with fireflies appeared in my mind. I opened my eyes and slowly turned to face him, our faces just a few centimeters apart. “It’s beautiful.” I said.

He did not say anything in response. Instead, his face drew closer to mine. My heart started to race against my chest. It became difficult to breath.  My surrounding turned quiet as if it was on mute. I could hear nothing but the loud beating of my heart. It was crashing heavily against my chest that I was afraid he could hear it. I don’t understand what was happening right then. I just stared at his eyes as he slowly moved closer; closing what little gap was left between us.

I felt his forehead leaned against mine and the tip of our noses touched. His breathing was ragged as if air was scarce. He closed his eyes, as his nose rubbed the side of mine. Our lips were only millimeters apart.
“Danica.” I heard him whisper, his warm breath caressed my lips.

“Y-yeah?” I stutter. My own breath was caught in my throat.

“There’s something I want to tell you.” He whispered again.

“What is it?” I answered, keeping my voice quiet.

“Not now. I will tell you on a different day. But will you listen to me then?” He asked.

“Yeah.” I answered.

“Did you like it?” He asked.

“Yeah.” I answered honestly.

“I’m glad.”

“It’s like a dream…so magical. If only it could continue forever.” I said.

“A dream that you want to go on forever?” He asked, amusement was apparent in his voice.

“Yes.” I answered honestly.

“I wish the same. If only this could continue on forever.” He whispered.

<< Chapter Seventeen


I'm mainly working on this using Wordpress so the current updates are usually there. Please do check it if you're interested in knowing what happens next as soon as the update was released.

30 March 2014

Dear You

Dear You,

Yeah, you who is reading this whoever you might be, or might want to be, or used to be... This is absolutely not about you nor does this got anything to do with you. But, hey, you are reading this and you are still reading this so you might want to continue. Even if you don’t and you just ignored this piece of crap whatsoever, I will still continue. Because this is a selfish thing I decided to do and you are of no concern to whatever it is I want to say here. So here goes the real thing:

I had a boyfriend before. Just one official and serious relationship with that certain guy. He was my boyfriend. He used to be my boyfriend. Things did not work out between us and I decided to end it after two and a half years of being together. Nowadays that was a long time yeah? I did love him. Heck, it was two freaking years. But I just had to end it because of selfish and childish reasons.

Would you want to be tied with someone who does not give you as much time as you deserve? Would you want to be with someone who does not take the time to even speak to you when you acted all sweet? Definitely not, right? So, yeah. It ended. I ended it with him and we came to a decision of breaking it off. He does not want to at first but he could not do a thing when we were apart and I wanted it to end.We just had to go our separate ways.

But all truth be told, I miss him. I would be lying if I say that I never thought about him even a single time after we broke up. I have thought of him frequently. Actually I have always thought of him. I had wanted him to be by my side several times. I wanted to hear his voice, to feel his warmth, to get the assurance that he was still there... even if it was not for me. Sometimes I would think of the possibilities, of the parallel worlds where we might still be together. I have always thought about the what if’s of our relationship. I had always done and still doing that for the past five years. It was dumb, I know. But what can I do? He just affected me so much that his existence is impossible to remove from me.

Five long years passed by and I still think ofhim. I really am hopeless. I did like someone and we went out on dates. We were not really dating officially but I know that we both know that there might be something between us. I tried to do things that might make me forget him. But only time makes me forget. I had forgotten his warmth, the sound of his voice, the way he look at me and his eyes that I love so much. I had forgotten that feeling of being with him - that feeling which assured me that I liked him, that we really are going out. I had forgotten how it was to be with him. We never saw each other besides the one or two times that we gathered as high school classmates. We never had a proper conversation about our relationship after we broke up. There was nothing that made me know whether he hated me or not. Actually there was but he said that through chat and it was during the time that I started believing that people's words are mostly empty.

After five long years of practically being estranged with each other, we spoke with each other. It was only through comments, with me wanting to understand a biological stuff which was his field. Maybe if our friend had not tagged him in the post that I created, he would never give a care about what I wanted to know. Perhaps, it was in his interest so he said something. I tried to leave out whatever he say in our group and I felt like he also did the same. We don’t speak publicly about each other, and being born on the same year and same month with just a few days difference, we probably have the same personality and way of thinking. It was our matter. We need not involve our friends in it. We need not speak openly about what we really felt about our past relationship.

I think we spoke, or converse rather, civilly with each other, trying our best not to be too rough or harsh nor feeling close. It was his field of interest, I know. It was something that I wanted to understand. Helping each other out was the least we could do.

But, maybe, it was only me who was thinking that he hated me. He loved me. He really did and it was way more than I loved him. But times are rough and we were young. There was not a need to keep each other chained when we could have our freedom and enjoy our life without having to think of the other. We were inexperienced in love and relationships but we took ours as though we were mature adults. It could only be me, but maybe freeing each other and growing separately was for our best interest.

Life is full of second chances and changes. There could come a day when we could meet again and our circumstances would be different. He would not be that much busy with his medical career and I would not be that mindful of being given less attention. There could be a time in the future when our paths would cross again and we would realize that we still love each other. It was a hopeful future, but possibilities are as endless as the sky. Either that day could come or we were just not meant to be.

If you’re still reading this, that meant that you just got curious about whatever blabber I had mentioned. It was just my own thoughts and will not affect your daily life as you might have thought. But, whoever you are, I thank you for taking your time reading my nonsense. And maybe you could also wish me luck in love?

Yours,

Mae