05 December 2012

Too Much Boredom

I feel lonely as of late. I mean, I did not get to see as much people as before and I kind of miss talking to my close friends. Working abroad is kind of getting into me now. Others may consider it home sickness but I don't think so. I would say that I am more likely disturbed in many ways and the cause was most probably boredom.

I tried to find the cause of my boredom by comparing my current lifestyle to the one before, three years back. Back then, or a little more back then, I was in a relationship but I broke it off and I started to be selfish. I could careless about others although I guess it was part of my personality to bother myself with others' business. I find it troublesome, too. So, yeah, one factor affecting my boredom is being single. Being in a relationship before was fun since I have someone who will instantly come to mind should I want to go somewhere or do something or speak nonsense with. I believe that we have some kind of a mutual understanding like having a connection through distances. But, now, I guess that kind of connection could be created as long as you spend a really long time together with that person and there is an understanding between the two of you.

Another reason that I can think of was the monotony of my current lifestyle. I wouldn't deny, though,  that I find my work schedules both exciting and troublesome. But doing the same thing every single day is bound to cause me too much of boredom. I don't complain about the workload though, just the monotony of doing it.

Another reason is that I have too much in mind. There so many things that I can come up with but the thought-process was so fast that my body and time cannot catch up with it. The moment I had the willingness and time to do it, I had already lost interest to do it. I became kind of fickle minded lately. I was pretty hesitant with several things before but lately, it was just so severe. I am still sticking to the original plan though just for the feel of accomplishment. Should I become more spontaneous and random and fickle than I already am, I wouldn't know what that would cause to me.

Another reason, and one that I think is greatly affecting my thought-process, is keeping myself away from writing (although I know I'm bad with that.) Since I don't usually talk about my thoughts to someone else unless asked for them, they were just piling up inside my head with no terminal for exit. And having so much things in mind is kind of making a mess out of me. So I should go back to writing and who knows, I might improve my skills by doing so. Using shorthand would help me tons, as well. I must review and practice that.

Not long ago, I told my friend that I'm feeling bored and directionless and asked her for ideas of what I can do though I never ran out of crazy ideas. She was actually surprised to know that I'm feeling bored! Being bored has its advantages too, I think. I manage to reflect and think on some things. I don't know why, though, that it was only recently that impression or how people see me is only being revealed to me now?! It's a good thing, I guess? To look back and laughing at how childish and funny I had been back then.

LVELJ.C07 (05.12.12)

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